We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
