Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
