first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So squirting runs in the family.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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