batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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