i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
