we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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