I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
