I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
