Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
