I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
