I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
