yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
