I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
