and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
