Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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