did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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