It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my shit smells like andre
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
