Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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