I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
