Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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