four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
