I wish I could punch you in the face.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
