If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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