So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
