So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize