I accidentally burped into my bong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
