Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
