Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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