I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
