come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
