Can Purell be used as lube?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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