literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
