did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
