So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
