Having a random hookup so left but love u
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
