It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize