Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
