And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
