I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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