I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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