I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
