so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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