The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
