I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
