I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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