i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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