Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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