im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
