My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
