please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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