An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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