She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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