Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
