And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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