Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
