In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize