Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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