Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
