Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
