I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
