so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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