i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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