**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
