my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
