Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
