drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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