mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
