Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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