I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
