He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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